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The Five Permissions: How to be a great fishing friend

Take me fishing. A simple request, a schmaltzy commercial, a pivotal role. Here are five permissions you can give yourself and your fishing friend to create space for connection.

Nick Parish

Jun 17, 2024 — 8 min read

A still from the original "Take me fishing" commercial

It's Father's Day.

On Father's Day I'm always reminded of a classic commercial from the 1990s, from an organization called the Recreational Boating & Fishing Foundation. The RBFF promotes the sport and creates a lot of great resources via takemefishing.org.

Here it is:

Take me fishing, 'cause you're the coolest grandpa ever!

Take me fishing, so I can tell you what a great dad you've been.

Take me fishing, because my wedding will be sooner than you think

Take me fishing, and make me feel 16 again.

Take me fishing, because I miss my boy.

v.o.: Rediscover the joy of boating and fishing. Visit takemefishing.org.

Yes, it's a bit maudlin. But it's simple and effective.

The key insight?

It's not always the act of fishing that brings joy, it's sharing those moments with others.

Many of the folks who come through our PCC Intro to Fly Fishing classes have similar motivations. They want to learn to fly fish to...

...be able to join a partner in their passion
...experience something new with a family member
...prepare for an important moment like a family trip

Fishing in the family

One of my greatest gratitudes is to family figures who have supported my interest in fishing. My father and grandfather taught me a ton. They were there for me. I still learn something from my dad every time we fish.

If they didn't take the time to pass along what they knew, and put me in a position to learn on my own, I'm not sure I would be as complete an angler today.

But I don't think that person has to be a father, or a grandfather. They can be a relative or a friend just as effectively.

Which means, gentle reader, you can become that person. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you do.

How to be a fishing friend: five permissions

I think most people who speak up and say "Take me fishing" want some pretty simple things. If you can create a space where a few of these things are true, you're doing it right.

Here the "permissions" I try to give both learners (and us teachers):

There are no silly questions.
In fact, the sillier you think the question is, the more wisdom it likely holds.
Thus, it's OK to look silly.
Because you don't know what you're doing.
And, it's OK to not be able to do it right.
Because you still don't know what you're doing.
It's OK to say "I don't know."
Both as the learner and the teacher.
It's OK to want to stop.
Everyone—even with the best teacher—needs to take breaks.

The more you can make these permissions apparent and make psychological (and physical) safety clearly a foundational part of the deal, the better. Make it explicit.

There's an important principle at the core of this. At NOLS and similar outdoor education pedagogies, it's labelled as "unconditional positive regard." Like the article says, it's simply meeting people where they're at.

Roles

When I first saw that commercial, I was the initial kid. I needed adult validation and escorting to go places and use sharp equipment.

Now, I'm a father myself. I'm the middle three. (And, well, maybe even the fourth, cause "I miss my boy" in a fraternal "You're my boy, Blue!" sense.)

As a dad, I try and create those same moments for my daughter. Positive memories she can reflect on. Here she is, landing her first fish on the fly a few weeks back:

I could have never been prouder of a scrawny pike minnow than in this moment.

But that's not all. I'm a surrogate Fishing Friend to a lot of different kinds of people. They all have different reasons. Taking the first step to learn to fly fish is them asking Can you take me fishing?

In the course of our time together, we answer the second part of the coda together.

Take me fishing...I'm proud of myself when I learn a new thing.
Take me fishing...this sport looks graceful.
Take me fishing...I need a break.

Creating the space enables them to fill it with their aspirations, and for us to write their future together.

Conservation

Cataloging all that we have lost:

"When they spawn, all streams and waters are completely filled with them, and one might believe, when he sees such terrible amounts of them, that there was as great a supply of herring as there is water. In a word, it is unbelievable, indeed, indescribable, as also incomprehensible, what quantity is found there. One must behold oneself."

Events

Competitive fly fishing isn't for me, but this Q&A with Valerio Santi Amantini, who's won over 20 (!) international fly fishing competitive medals, was interesting to read. A professional prepares and adjusts.

Upcoming classes

Classes for Portland Community College's summer term are now full. I'm keeping a waitlist for both.

If you've emailed me, I have your name down and will fill any spots that come available in the order I've received requests. If you want to be added to the waitlist, send me a note. I wish the PCC system was a little more capable here. Alas.

You can find more info on classes here. Spread the word if you know anyone who should take either course.